Baby Classes

At my doctor’s office, every room is plastered with flyers for the free prenatal classes offered through my health care. Being a first time mom, I knew I didn’t want to miss a single one. Since I was expecting to be on bed rest shortly into the new year, I started looking at class schedules in the beginning of December. Unfortunately, the schedules for 2012 we not posted until after the new year, so I frantically tried to squeeze in all 3 classes in December.  Each class was supposed to be 2 hours long, and covered labor & delivery, caring for a newborn, and breastfeeding.  Aaron went with me to first two, and I attended the breastfeeding class alone. Unfortunately, 2 hours is not really enough time for a prenatal class. I learned a lot in each class, but the classes felt rushed. The labor & delivery class didn’t teach any techniques, although they did say that fear, pain, and harder delivery were all connected.

Besides expecting to be on bed rest, I also expected a significant chance of needing a c-section. So despite feeling like the labor & delivery class was inadequate, I wasn’t too motivated to seek out actual Lamaze classes. Not to mention that a few of my friends have said that Lamaze was worthless for them.

But as January progressed with no problems, no bed rest, and the nurses saying how wonderful Samantha is doing, I began to worry about needing better prep for labor. I picked up two books on hypnobirthing, each explaining a different method. So far I’ve finished the first book and I’m halfway through the second book. Although each book has had a few interesting or important tidbits, I really think the books could have been much shorter.  

The first book had 3 different breathing techniques for relaxing during labor. The third technique is for “breathing your baby down” instead of pushing the baby out. But since you don’t want to breathe your baby down before you are ready, it isn’t covered very well in the book. I’m not sure I even understand the concept.  “Oh well, maybe the relaxation CD that came with the book will be helpful,” I thought.  Aaron and I tried to listen to the CD together one night. In less than 5 minutes we were both sound asleep. When we woke up, the CD had long been over. I wonder if I can put myself to sleep listing to the CD during labor. That might be useful.

The second book likes to refer back to the classes that we’re supposed to spend additional money to take. So most of the techniques are just briefly explained and then we’re told we’ll go over them further in class. Sorry, but (1) the classes are ridiculously expensive and (2) I haven’t found any classes in my area. The relaxation exercises are a little bit too new-age-y for me, and the book doesn’t even come with a CD. But I plan to finish reading it anyway.

So three strikes on trying to find something useful for labor and delivery. At least all three had a common theme – relax!  And that part does make sense to me. When I start having back problems, the initial pain isn’t really the problem. But my muscles around the injury tighten up, I’m guessing to protect the injury. The tight muscles become the real problem, to the point where I’ve been stuck standing in a doorway, holding onto the door frame for dear life, and unable to move due to the pain (and being panicked). The only solution has been to take deep breaths and force my muscles to relax. Once I get those muscles to relax, the pain eases off and I can move again. So it makes sense to me, if I have to push a baby out of my hoo-hoo, those muscles are going to have to be relaxed to stretch that big.

Anyway, I had noticed that the hospital where I plan to deliver offers a variety of prenatal classes. They have a “Make Way for Baby” class that consists of 3 class sessions for 4 hours each. Among other things, it is supposed to cover relaxation and breathing techniques. And since we’re supposed to bring a mat and pillows to class, I assume it is a more traditional class where we get to practice the techniques. So I signed us up. The only class that would work for us or that wasn’t already filled started this past Sunday and continues on the next two Sundays. If you are paying attention, the last class is two days before I’m 38 weeks. We’re cutting it really close. In fact, I’m the furthest along in my pregnancy than anyone else in the class.

So Sunday we woke up to the alarm clock, ate breakfast, and packed snacks to get us through class. I wonder who thought it was a good idea to keep pregnant women in class from 9:30am to 1:30pm.  Luckily snacks and breaks are provided throughout the class, but I still think the class could have been scheduled better.   Well, Aaron woke up with the beginnings of a migraine. He took some meds, and seemed to be doing okay, for the most part. We arrived at the hospital a little bit early, about 9:15.  As we approached the entrance, Aaron said something about the fire alarms. I didn’t hear exactly what he said, but I quickly noted that people were still going into the hospital, and the people coming out of the hospital were behaving normally, so I continued to walk into the building. Sure enough, once inside I heard the announcement of a fire alarm and saw the little strobe lights blinking on the ceiling. No one seemed to care and as I approached the front desk, I was greeted with, “Here for the baby class? It’s down the hall in Auditorium B.” We proceeded down the hall and the fire alarms became much louder.

Auditorium B wasn’t open yet, and a few couples were standing in the hallway waiting. We waited a few minutes, and then I suggested we go back to the lobby. Aaron was already to the stage of following the path of least resistance, so he said no. I should have just taken him to the lobby anyway, since the fire alarm wasn’t as loud out there, but instead I compromised. I told him I was going back up the hall at least to find someplace to sit.

A little while later we were able to get into the classroom, but the alarm was being piped into the room as well. The teacher passed out forms and handouts without explanation. A few minutes later she came around to collect the forms, but we hadn’t bothered to fill them out yet. “What, did something distract you?” the teacher said sweetly, rolling her eyes at the alarm system. I laughed, and explained that I thought they were class evaluation forms to be filled out at the end.

Despite the paper shuffling that took up a good 20 minutes at the start of class, the fire alarm was still going off when the teacher finally had to start. She had to yell over the noise, and we had to really concentrate in order to hear her.  Before she got very far into the lecture, she had each couple pair up with another couple to meet one another, and when we came back to the group, each couple would have to introduce the other couple.  Unfortunately there were an odd number of couples, so we were paired with 2 other couples. It was hard enough to have a discussion over the alarm, but now we had to have a 6-person discussion. Our names, dues dates, baby gender, and baby name were easy enough. But when we got to the question of what we liked or could live without about the pregnancy, our discussion fell apart. Someone remarked that they could do without the fire alarm. Another person agreed and commented that they had a headache.  Then we just stood around uncomfortably. Before the teacher called us back to the group, one of the couples we had just met decided they couldn’t stand the fire alarm any longer. They grabbed up their stuff and decided to leave. While we had all been meeting each other, the teacher had called someone and was told the fire alarm should be turned off in the next 5-10 minutes. It was 10:20 then.

We went around the room and introduced each other. And then the teacher started the lecture, still shouting over the fire alarm. The one good thing, she told us, is that the fire alarm does not go off on the maternity floor. If there is an emergency, the staff will direct us, but if the fire alarm goes off for no reason as it was doing, our laboring will not be affected.

Around 11:00, we decided to take a break. The other couple that we had met gathered up their stuff to leave too. I told Aaron that we were going to the restroom, and then out to the lobby where it was quieter.  In the lobby, couples were taking turns complaining to the front desk. I took a different approach. “Does anyone realize how much louder the fire alarm is in the classrooms?” Because if the rest of the hospital only had to put up with volume that the lobby was experiencing, then the people trying to fix the problem might not understand how urgent it was to get the damn thing shut off. I was nice and didn’t curse.  As we walked back toward the education wing, the fire alarm finally shut off.  Later we found out that one couple had arrived at the hospital at 9:05 as people were shuffling back into the hospital after evacuating. This meant that the fire alarm had been going off for 2 whole hours AFTER the all-clear. Ridiculous!

Back in the classroom, we got to eat some snacks before the break was over. But now that the fire alarm was no longer pounding in our brains, Aaron’s head finally registered the migraine. He looked awful. I gave him some Tylenol and he went to find a caffeinated beverage. But he was a trooper. Since we paid for the class and couldn’t take a different class before our due date, he stuck it out. If the fire alarm had continued much longer, or we had gotten to the relaxation part of the class with the fire alarm blaring, we would have left too.

The class wasn’t completely miserable though. Before class started, I flipped through the booklet that we had been given, and stopped at a page showing rings of increasing size, up to 10cm. I showed it to Aaron. “The baby has to fit through that?” he exclaimed.  “Are you kidding? I have to get that big?” I replied. We laughed. It was even funnier later when the teacher passed around a 3D diagram of the same thing, and told us that the typical male response is “the baby has to fit through there?” while the typical female response is “I have to stretch that far?” Aaron and I looked at each other and giggled.

Hopefully our last two class sessions will be fire alarm free. Keep your fingers crossed.